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Bravely facing the Creamy White Buttocks

The safety briefing for our Zambezi white water rafting experience was conducted by Colgate – a river guide full of bluster and attitude, who’s pearly-whites flashed regularly at the motley crew in front of him.  Colgate described the variety of false-moves that Tommy Tourist could make which would inevitably result in tears, and how (preferably) these might be avoided.  “If you go for a swim, head for the safety kayaker and grab onto the handle.  If the kayak is inverted, do not sit on the bottom” (visions of the kayaker frantically cart-wheeling his arms in the murky water while trying to dislodge Tommy from his boat).

Having been divided between the boats, our assorted collection of travellers (American, Aussie, Japanese etc. from 16 to 70 years old) descended the gorge on foot and followed a series of drills in a calm bend of the river.  In different ways, each member of our crew displayed their varying degrees of anxiety at the prospect of facing rapids sporting names like “Oblivion”, “The Devil’s Toilet Bowl” and “Commercial Suicide”.  Dudley, our 70+ year old was full of fighting talk while Mio was quiet as a mouse, listening intently.  Jacqueline from Australia giggled hysterically.

The scenery of the Batoka Gorge below Victoria Falls is spectacular; sheer, cubic black rocks fall from the sky to the river which navigates an extreme series of hairpin bends where rapids are interspersed by eerily calm stretches.  Depending on the time of the year, you start rafting at The Boiling Pot right below the Falls or as far along as rapid 4 or 11.  Between September and November you can expect general carnage – lots of grade 4 and 5 rapids and the likelihood of airborne people jettisoned from flipping rafts.  From December to March, the river is more mellow and the adrenalin-factor more moderate.   June to August can be either pretty tame or quite manic depending on the water levels.

The Creamy White Buttocks is named for the countless ill-prepared rafters who have lost their shorts whilst negotiating this rapid.  We faced it with whoops and laughs as our boat was tossed around like a rubber duck on the white boiling water.  After this, minefields of eddies and whirlpools, standing-waves and cavernous depths tackled our boats while we laughed at the others who took a swim and rescued our recently made friends loyally from the Zambezi.  Returning home flushed with sun and exhilaration of our day on the river, the autopsy of our experiences and dissecting of our collective memories will no doubt take a great deal longer.

Find out more about Victora Falls.

Image courtesy of Wild Horizons